So someone told me "you haven't bloody blogged." Well, no, I admit I haven't. And do you know why? Unfortunately, life has taken over. I've got far too much to do and not enough time to do it all. What I DO have though is an ever growing list of titles of blogs that I would have written on each day - and some of them are even partially written. So as soon as I can (and that's likely to be Tuesday, for those of you who wonder) I will write several million blogs. Luckily, this is now towards the top of my to do list.

Thank god. In the mean time - I am twittering a lot, so head over to www.twitter.com/nicparkes for some micro-blogging fun!

I've had a scary insight tonight. Having spent ages and ages knowing that the WebWorks course existed, it's kind of just become part of my life. But me and Nathan did an aproximation tonight of how much actual work has gone into the whole thing. And the result is REALLY quite. Frankly, no - shocking, news.

Aproximately, Nathan & I have spent 3 hrs per lesson developing the content for this course. There are 24 lessons.

For each of those lessons, we have then repurposed the content twice, and then written additional content about how it should be taguth - and our notes on how we think the lessons work. Basically, where we've discovered that some students can have problems.

That's taken about 3 hours again, plus Nathan's development of the actual site - another 6 or 7 hours to date, and it's not done.

Teaching each of the lessons we have then spent 10 hours at WHHS, 12 at Birchensale and by the end of the course we'll have taught another 12 at Woodfield. The course also got taught at Waseley in 2005, and 2007. That's 54 hours of actual interacting with kids.

Alongside that, we've also developed a previous online resource and the work material for the course in 2007. And 2005. Because the materials have been completely rewritten each time, based on where we think we could improve.

Overall, that's about 198 hours.

That's a LOT of time.

ANd it's not over either, I'm currently typing up the notes from a meeting where we're commiting more time to it. Tellin ya, dudes, this better sell or I'm going to be rather unimpressed.

I noticed that yesterday, I almost had blogged a little bit too much. Oh well - I did promise at least one blog per 24 hrs?! Oh well...Sorry guys!!

feedmix

It was always going to happen, wasn't it?

Surely the reason for gettign people to collect litter on a beach in 10 minutes is to prove just how much they collect in that ten minute period. Looks to me like the point wasn't particulally well made? Who knows. Horrible beach anyway. Video after the jump.

Steeton Hall Hotel in West Yorkshire has seen its restaurant takings go down to as little as £1.10 a day.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/7990708.stm

This is a very weird thing to me. I know people have stopped spending - but surely there has to be a reason why it's all of a sudden happened? Food posioning rumours? Anything? No? I can't see the recession having this sudden an effect on a business - not unless the report doesn't mention a steady decline in spending.

Still - another demonstration that coffee is still considered to be a luxury treat by those who are cutting back on their spending. :)

I'm not sure what I did, or what it means. Or even what it's supposed to mean. But urm, Lucy likes them?

Having a PVR means you record TV you would not otherwise watch. For some reason "The Man Who Was A Foot" on Channel 5 becomes a very impressive series, and instantly you must record it and then watch every single moment.

You must series link it. Very important. And let's hope accurate record works on it too - so there's no awkward moments where you try and work out exactly which foot is the man involved in this programme because you've missed the first 3 minutes of the show. And it works. You get every last single second of "The Man Who Was A Foot." You never watch it, and delete it because you want to make sure the next series "The woman who was a breast" is recorded.

Then you go into the menu and notice that Corrie, that you watch every single day, is sitting there ready to be watched. You press 'Play'. Deidree is mid-sentence. Accurate record failed and you have to watch half of the episode, left to dream about what else was involved in that episode.

It's not a happy life having a PVR you know.

So today I've been developing lessons onto the WebWorks Online Resource. It's immense fun to do. Let's just think about exactly what it is you're doing when you do this.


At the end of the day, the WebWorks Online Resource is about re-purposing content. Something people who didn't understand how things worked might refer to as "chopping up some stuff someone has already paid for, repackaging it, and selling it again."

In truth, that's quite close. Or, at least, it would be. But repurposing content like this does mean that you have to create a hell of a lot of new content. Because, in essence, although the worksheets are designed to do a lot of the teaching for the trainers (the course can be taught by ANYONE, so it's been designed like that), being taught by a person giving you a sheet is a totally different experience to being taught by a computer screen as you navigate an online resource area.

However - when you're written the course three times already - firstly actually planning the content in its basic form, secondly writing out a longer description of the content of each lesson and putting it into a prospectus, and then thirdly actually writing the content into lesson plans, worksheets, going to a meeting and discussing it and finally signing it off. And that's not even counting the fact that each of the lessons has also been taught 3 times by both of us (Nath & I). Things tend to get a bit boring.



And while you're trying to write the sentence "This is how you save a web page. Remember, it needs to have an .html extension on the end of it and it needs to be called index.html, or default.html," what you actually want to write is "Bloody hell, I've said this so many times it's stopped making sense and frankly who would want to web design anyway? Just abandon the internet and run for the hills. It kills you, it kills you, stop it now."

It's almost maddening to re-purpose content like this. And this isn't the final time I've got to do it either! Once all 24 modules are complete on the online resource - there's the lesson notes, the teaching area element for each one, then there's also putting together the information for the printed teaching pack that will have yet another version of the 24 WebWorks modules.

And at the end of all this, lots of people will pay us lots of money for it. If they don't...I will go insane.

Nx

So I'm lying on my bed watching The Apprentice again. Having learnt from my mistake last week - I am now watching this episode just a few hours after broadcast. I'm almost impressed with myself.



Although this series is irritating me. And I say this as though it's a revelation. Not really, when you consider this is the first series of The Apprentice that I've actually watched. Nevertheless, perhaps some of my frustration is because I do indeed enjoy business and - as anyone who runs a business, has anything to do with business, or who is just a cock bastard - believe I can do it better.

And when you get a load of business people together, there's so much intelligence, and general feelings of betterness that everything actually turns out to be rather poor. There are certainly things to be said about adding a little bit of a Jake into your business - because it adds a sense of realism. And as much as I can be a cocky bastard, I am slowly learning to occasionally say... "You know what, you're right...Explain that again!".

There are, though, particular people in this series who are annoying me.

The most annoying has to be Ben. I think he was quitely just a bit of a cock. He claimed he was the most attractive. He was wrong. He was wearing irritating socks. And clearly had badly applied fake tan. Get Howard to do it, it'll look better. And when someone says "Don't complicate it," don't add 5 pully systems and a penis to it.

Second on my list for today's episode - Deborah annoyed me with her over reaction to the "ethnic minority" comments made about her advert - and went off on a strop about it. Whoever edited the show obviously agreed with me that watching the rest of that story fold out would be a worse form of entertainment than setting fire to your own hairs one by one using a broken lighter. And being charged for each hair you failed to burn. And being charged for each hair you did burn.

She also quite simply looked very chavy, and like she would be more at home in the gutter outside some cheap club somewhere in Manchester. Not only that, though, from a serious "business" point of view, her attitude towards Lorraine when she offered to pitch was horrific - and she should have taken a lot of the blame for what was a seriously awful pitch.

There's nothing like telling someone they can't do something that'll make sure they can't.

Phil - not a complaint about him. He reminds me of Ben Aston though. And Ben is happy with that comment. Because I checked.

And finally, the programme itself annoys me most. Today, this was highlighted when they did some pitching of their brand new products to some proper companies.

One of the companies they pithced to specialised in high-end gym equipment. Before I go on, let's just consider that the product the Apprentices were developing were supposed to be £30.00 or less RSP.

The reason this company didn't buy one of the products? "Why would people buy this for £30 when they can afford a £2,500 multi-gym?".

(And for any of these comments that were made in the actual show, I have to add that I did write this post based on notes I typed WHILE watching it. Really, I didn't just copy what the advisors said, or what Sir Alan said, because typing this right now - I do not know what he or his advisors said. Or who was sacked.)

I'll be less annoyed next time I post.
Nx

For the first time in my life, I experienced the "Oh, now I know who's been fired ... Damn you!" syndrome that so many people who watched the original series of The Apprentice have had every week for years or something. It makes them sound like your bloody grandparents.

Anyway... So, I'm watching The Apprentice. In fact, I'm watching it RIGHT NOW. And yet, while I'm sat here watching it, thanks to Harry Hill, I am in fact completely and utterly lost - because I know who gets fired.

I know.

And I'm not suposed to know. I'm supposed to lie here, watching, in anticipation of the news. I'm supposed to think "oohh, which one could it be?" - but instead, I am forced to just think - oh well, I know.

It's almost like I'm watching this out of a need to watch it. And yet, in reality - why am I bothered? The entertainment value of the programme isn't purely someone getting fired at the end - there's a whole load of stuff before that, that LEADS to them being fired - and that's why I'm watching.

And yet, here. Lying here now, it seems pointless. Because, dear readers, I KNOW.

I refuse to watch any TV for the next 10 weeks. And to be honest, I'd fire them all and hire a dog or something - slightly more common sense and team working abilty. I mean, pack animals or a group of cocky business people? I know who I'd rather work with, to be honest!

Nx

Sometimes, it's hard to not believe that technology is linked into your brain. When you're sat on your own, listening to iTunes, it somehow - unattended - can provide you with a selection of music which is just perfectly suited to your mood, and the time of day, and even to your current activity.

But I was even more disturbed tonight, when, having had a conversation with someone regarding an episode of My Family (the one where they borrow the posh flat and basically set fire to a pizza, destroy a DVD player, etc..) I turned my PVR on to look at the new content.

Now, because there is a series link on the BBC version of My Family (new series and all ;)) the PVR picked up an episode on G.O.L.D, and recorded it. It is that very episode.

Now I am very concerned about both my own sanity, and the PVR's ability to pick what I want to watch.

In other news, I am yet to watch last week's Apprentice...and I feel bad for not having watched it yet. I will do this immediately after watching My Family. For anyone who's interested, they've just found the bathroom but can't get into it.

Nx

Having friends who are already at Uni is like having a TV permenantly tuned to ITV. There's a lot of stuff being talked about - and lots of crap too - and it's all done on the cheap - but at the end of the day, the reflection on reality is minimal.


And I might sound like I'm moaning a little - well, I'm not - there are a lot of people I know who are at uni, at work, a lazy arse, who have been a lazy arse but now have a job (or three), and I've got myself too. Who's currently working, and going to Uni next year. So, by Decemberish kind of time, I'll be in a proper position to comment.

There is almost as if there's a formula for conversations though. You enter the room and you discover that some people have picked up the terrible "uni accent," - normally the ones you expected to have - and everyone else is the same, but a bit more in the real world.

Then they start talking. They talk about drinking, going out, and how they missed lectures.

And I kind of go into a daze.

But having access to conversations like this is kind of a huge plus point for me. I can see, from what I can tell at least, that people who go to Uni generally don't seem to change that much.

There are a few cases - Leah S for example proudly told me last night that thanks to uni, she is no longer 'scared of busses', - who do have to change. And these are the ones, I'd imagine at least, who change or drop out. And I reckon change quickly.

And there's the whole accent debate. Something I've been having for a long long long time, because of my - rather out of place, some would argue - accent, even in Birmingham. Yes, Britain, it's Barf, and we go and sit on the grass, not the grarse. So piss off.

Mostly though, alcohol is the main issue at Uni. But it's raised some questions in my mind.

I wonder if my blog will become these conversations at some time in the future? Who knows.

I wonder if I'll get the uni accent?

I wonder if Dom will ever regail me with stories of getting drunk and falling down some stairs?

I want the last one to happen.

Not me.

Nx

(This blog was based on a single conversation tonight, not Josie's Belated Birthday Bano for those that are reading :P)

Brighton sent me a letter. I thought "Ooohh...".

To be honest, I was quite shocked. Since accepting my place with them I had received no communication whatsoever from Brighton. In fact, they didn't even bother to write to me about the bloody open day.

So ye, it's sealed.

Thought I should probably mention the decision here. Being as I hate telling people about it, anyway.

Now, I need to go scrape the crap off my wheel trims. Good day sir.

Nx

So you want to win a mug? Nicparkes.com mugs aren't very mass produced. In fact, only 9 exist in the entire world. Do you want one? Here's how...

nicparkes.com is visited by about 557 people each month.* I am not at all happy with that, and I'd like to see an increase. Frankly, you lot are not working hard enough with the whole linking to me thing. So here's a challenge for you.

Link to me. Promote this site, and this blog. Whoever 'refers' the most hits - wins. Quite simple. A Nic Parkes mug will be on its way to you faster than you can say BOOOOOOOOOM.

All you need to do is let me know you're taking part in the comments in this blog. The winner will be decided from the web stats top 10 referers at 10pm on 24th April 2009.

The mug.

During the dates 5th April - 24th April a new blog will be posted each day before 10pm. The winner will be announced in a blog post at 10.01pm on April 29th. Nic's decision is final. No purchase required for entry into the competition. 1 mug will be given away each month from April - June in a different competiton. Nic's decision is deffiantely final. Extra points will be given for interesting ways to promote new people to visit.

*nicparkes.com currently receives 557 unique users each month, a total of 28,000 hits - L4L results for 2008 - 2009 show a 400 unique visits increase over the 12 month period. The current top refering site is Dom's website.

Someone asked me what I’d booked a week’s holiday off for from Costa a couple of days ago. And it got me thinking about why, in fact, I had booked off a lot of days from Costa. Because I had no particular reason – nothing to do with these days other than – well, watch TV, stay in bed and eat biscuits.


And I decided to try and have a think about the answer. And while I am going to try and give it here – in as much depth as I can – I am aware that you may all be bored. And also am aware that people get annoyed at the length of my blogs. So I’ll keep it as brief as possible, without cutting out too much of the good stuff.

Trying to find the answer “why do you things like this?” when it’s directly about something which makes you the person you are is a very difficult task. Particulally for people who don’t know themselves very well.

I, lucklily, do know myself and the way I am driven and motivated quite well. It’s a side effect of needing to know to keep myself sane, while paying an interest in things like this – someone who deals with people all day, in whatever capacity, and has to tell them what to do, has to understand people to be effective. But as with loving someone – unless you love yourself, you can’t love someone else, there are rules. In order to manage someone, you need to be able to manage yourself. To motivate, you need to know how you are motivated. And you need to know that not everyone is the same as you, or as each other. Or you will come up with answers which fit not only not your staff, but which don’t fit you. The old adage that you can’t match the style to the manager, but rather the manager to the style – is wrong. Because each style is not as clear cut as many business studies text books will tell you.

However, as I often do, I’m going off on one.

The answer to my original question is just that I am incredibly goal motivated. Every single person who knows me, in some depth or another, will probably know that I am a very – incredibly, in fact – goal driven person. If I don’t have something to say to myself “this is what I’m going to do today,” then I am completely lost. I need to know that when I go to sleep, I have achieved something. I have made a mark. And that if I don’t wake up again, someone else will come to that ask that I’ve set myself – look at it – and realize that it was me who did it. And it was done well, and with careful planning.

So a week off is just the same. Being goal driven you still get bored – and get tired – particularly with something like Costa at which I am now an “old hat.” I can make a cup of coffee in my sleep, and a Frescato in a dream. Or a nightmare. So I’m bored. And I need other things to keep me going – Simply is one way of doing this, delivering knowledge and perhaps inspiring some people to see their futures in web design at a young age – giving them a goal to achieve.

To a certain extent, this way of life is something which is incredibly difficult to achieve over and over again, each day – because as I’m sure everyone knows, you can’t make a difference to someone’s life every day. Some days, everything is treading water. Some days, an achievement is merely getting up.

But that makes for quite a hard life. But it also makes for a very productive one – where people do, indeed, value you. And to a certain extent it is this part of me that has been gone for a while. So as I plan for my entry into a new chapter in October – I plan for the one big goal., And while I cannot achieve it in one go, I can achieve little parts of it in each day.

And this is my method of getting through. “If I can just keep going until…,” is what I say to myself. And when I get there, having achieved it and gone even that little bit further sometimes – I think up the next point at which I can say “well done Nic, now…”

So that’s what these holiday days are about. It’s about having something to say “If I can keep going until…” and in this case,the “until” is “Until then, you can stay in bed, watch TV and eat biscuits.”

It’s not a bad way to live life. But I can understand why some people don’t get it – and why some people perhaps don’t get me. I sometimes wonder if I do, to be honest.

So i sat down infront of my BBC iPlayer window thinking that I would be marvelled with wonderful things from Stewart Lee. And indeed, his comedy vehicle. The name of the show sounds like something I'd come up with, I thought. And so I thought that perhaps - just maybe - I might share a sense of humour with this slightly chubby little man.

But instead, the programme started and revealed itself to be featured in what - seems to be, at least - Rubery Social Club. The man looks sweaty. And he's talking about TV.

"My dad used to call the TV the 'idiots box'," Lee says. "That's how he lost his job as chief executive at ITV."

Ok, so that's quite topical and funny. Well done.

"My dad used to call the TV the idiots box," he repeats. "That's how he got his job as chief executive at ITV."

Ok. Repetition being used to good effect their Mr Lee. I can forgive your slighty weird middle aged apperance and the fact that your comedy vehicle appears to need to have a few optional extras fitted. Like heated seats. Or air conditioning, with how sweaty you look.

"My dad used to call the TV the idiots box."

He's said it again, I think. Never mind...I listen on. "That's how he lost his job as John Logie Baird inventor of television."

It was at this point that I had to switch off, I'm afraid. What exactly is this man on to think that saying things like that is funny?

The show is cringeworthy and about as watchable as a video featuring exclusively images of the things you hate. Imagine it. Pictures of spiders crawling up some annymous tweed suit trouser leg; Michelle McManus music videos. And not just that - this channel has advert breaks every 3 minutes featuring only the most irritating adverts - such as the Harvey's the furniture store Corrie stings, and that errection problems advert from late night ITV2 - followed by clips of a naked Chris Moyles playing with himself.

Just no.

But I bloody love this song for some reason recently. You should listen to it now - on YouTube. It's available on Ironik's first album - although strangely not on iTunes - No Point in Wasting Tears. It was released as single in 2008 sometime, apparently.

Isn't one of the most annoying things in life when someone tells a joke stolen from a comedian they've seen on TV?

I mean, I do it all the time. But I tend to admit that I'm quoting - or the people I'm with are people who will commonly understand that me shouting "the laminated book of dreaaammms" at them refers to - of course - Bill Bailey's view of the Argos catalogue.

But there's always someone, lurking - normally wearing something which doesn't quite fit right - or which is a bit too old and should have been thrown out in 1972 - even though the person wearing it was born in 1989 - ready to repeat a joke.

No admission of the theft at all is mentioned. But everyone in the room knows they've told that joke. Everyone in the room knows where it's come from. Every single person in the room now knows that this person can not only barely dress themselves in clothes slghtly older than they themselves are. But every single person in that room now knows that this person is just not funny.

Because, not only did they steal the joke.

They messed up the delivery. And it sucked.

It wasn't even worthy of a slight cough like a smoker might give after a sharp intake of something nasty - like fresh air.

It wasn't even worthy of the noise you might make if I were to poke you very lightly in the groin with one of those floating straw things you get at holiday resorts for beating your children in the swimming pool under the guise of "fun."

Complete silence desends for a few seconds.

Everyone in the room makes the internationally recognised face for 'we all wish we didn't know this person, but we're all in the same boat so don't say anything.' And everyone moves on and goes back to whatever it is they were doing before - knitting, or growing bananas and suchlike.

Someone did this to me today.

It was that bad, my brain is actually stopping me remembering which joke the person told in order to prevent me from having to go and find them and hurt them.